He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
