your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
