i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
