i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm at about main and main street
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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