ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
