I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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