Your tits are I can't wait for
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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