he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
