If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
