shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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