i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
