got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
