She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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