k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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