all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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