Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His nipple licking is glorious
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