Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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