Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PANTIES FOUND
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