I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
