My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
