$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found puke in my bra..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
