we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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