Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
