Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
