He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
