I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
