real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
