Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
