I heard we made out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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