would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
