i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
