Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
