i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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