I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
