You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
