So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
