Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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