If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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