Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
