Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
