Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
