Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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