you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
