The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
