11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
