i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
