Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
