he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That accounts for only three of the penises
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
