Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
