I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
