my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Small penises have feelings too.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
