my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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