ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
